Now, Shake Hands

Just because I haven't written in this blog for over a year doesn't mean I haven't thought about it.

I actually think about it almost weekly, every time I have a question I'd like to ask you guys, my internet friends. So for the grand re-opening of this blog, I'd like to start with a Q&A. But not your grandmother's Q&A... Because I'll be the one asking the questions. And you'll be the ones providing answers :) Today I have only one question:

The other day at a car dealership (we were just browsing), after saying our goodbyes to the dealer who helped us, Jon and the dealer shook hands. I reached out my hand to shake goodbye as well, and there was a split second of pause before the dealer tried to seamlessly also shake my hand, as if he had been going to do that all along. 

I know in the old fashioned ways that women don't shake hands. We stand a half-step behind the man and smile sweetly and nod goodbye and let the men do the manly business of shaking hands.

But in today's world, half the time the guy reaches out to shake my hand and half the time he doesn't. When he doesn't reach out until I do, I feel a bit silly and awkward and even a little embarrassed, as if he's only shaking my hand to humor me. 

What do you all do? 

Should I Let the Dream Die Already?

Hey all

I have a little bit of a dilemma to share with you guys today. It's a chronic one that visits me about 2 times a year... and I figured that my close friends and boyfriend were sick of hearing about the same damn topic... so I thought I'd bend your guys' ears. Plus, I know the audience of this blog is international (hello Canada, UK, and Singapore and Philippines!) so your guys' input will have that extra dimension.

I always wanted to be a polyglot. (Defining polyglot as 3+ languages.)

Even as a youngun' when they make you do those exercises in school of what goals you want to achieve "when you grow up," I listed that I wanted to be able to read my favorite novels in different languages. Actually that may be my number one reason for wanting to learn foreign languages, I'm a bookworm and I think it would be damn cool to have 3x more reading material.

That's why I studied Spanish for 4 years in high school instead of crapping out after the 2nd year (you fulfill the foreign language requirement after 2 years.) That's also one of the reasons I studied abroad in Japan, including a home stay.

But now let's wave away all the romance and glorious connotations of speaking different languages and international travel and culture etc etc.

Learning another language is HARD.

Here are all the reasons why it's hard:

1. Learning a foreign language is, compared to other adult priorities, pretty useless. You can't deny that my few hours of spare time could be better spent learning how to cook for my future family, better prepare myself for my career, learn about personal finance and investing, or visit my mom or grandma. How do I justify all the time/resources/effort needed for learning another language??
2. Learning another language is supposedly increasingly difficult as you age. In the language-learning game, I'm considered old. Funny how I don't really feel my woman's "biological clock" but I'm pretty depressed about my "language-learning clock."
3. Oh so I guess there are only 2 reasons lol. But they're pretty big ones!

So what happened is, I came back from studying abroad in Japan with slightly intermediate Japanese. I tried to maintain it by reading Japanese books but ... it was really difficult to find reading material suited to my level. Either too expensive, topic too childish, or way too difficult. Sometimes all 3 at the same time lol. So my Japanese died. But every 6 months or so I'd suddenly get this whinge of longing for foreign language again, and do an Amazon search for Japanese material. And the cycle would run its course.

After a few rounds of this cycle I figured I should just let the dream die. It was just too hard to try to learn a 3rd language.

AND YET HERE I AM AGAIN. You all may know that I joined the YouTube community several months ago. Recently I discovered JAPANESE YOUTUBE! So obviously it stirred up my old dusty dreams of polyglottiness. 

Should I make it one of my 2015 new year's resolutions to JUST COMMIT MYSELF ALREADY? I mean, given that I keep coming back to this over and over again -- maybe it shows that this isn't just a passing fancy, and I need to get serious about it or I'll never be at peace lol?

OR, should I go the rational adult route and LET THE DREAM DIE ALREADY. There's not even any real advantage or use to learning the 3rd language, other than "side benefits" e.g. coolness, opening your mind up to other cultures, flexing your brain muscles, etc.

It's great to be blogging & chatting with you guys again. I'd love to hear your opinions about this. Do you also have a 'fun aspiration' that you half think is worthless, but half really want anyways?

P.S. Btw, in case you missed my last video -- it's a fun one! It's about a designer handbag!

Stop Being So Goddamn Jealous

The other day my friend and I met up for boba. We hadn't seen each other in a while, and we spent the next couple hours catching up: discussing my recent trip to San Francisco, her upcoming trip to New York, my & Jon's house renovations, and her new boyfriend.

In fact, she was going to meet him for a dinner date right after. She was dressed to kill. She was wearing a long body-con maxi dress that showed off her super-model-esque body. Honestly? From me to you, a woman to another woman, I'm telling you she looked like a million bucks.

I should have told her so. 

But all I said was, "You look nice." And quickly changed the topic.

That's because I was envious.

And to this day, I feel stupid and ashamed about that moment. I should have told her she looked goddamn amazing, and been excited for her upcoming date. That's what a real friend would do -- be happy for you. I mean, if it were you who planned out your outfit, got dressed up, and had an exciting date, wouldn't you be especially pleased to hear from your friend that you looked good? Instead, I was thinking about myself and how in comparison, I wasn't as hot.

It seems to me that jealousy and envy just well up out of nowhere, settling somewhere deep in my gut. E.g....

... When my blogger friend gets triple the amount of comments/Twitter retweets/shares on her posts than I do. I just watch all this activity on my iPhone screen and my mouth turns into a deeper and deeper frown.

... When my friend just started YouTube and already hit 200 subscribers (dammit! lol after 4 months I'm barely at 123!) I get frustrated about my own progress.

... When my boyfriend's younger brother just bought a sporty new BMW coupe, because he's working (hard!) full time and has more di$po$able income than I do. So I moan about not being able to buy fun stuff like designer purses, expensive makeup etc... yup, not very attractive for a young 20 something woman lol.

I can't change the fact that there will be times that I'll feel jealous. But I can be more aware of it, and tell those demons to STFU. And push myself to be gracious, supportive, and happy for others.

Cuz it's not like being happy for other people detracts from my own successes!

Anyways. Yup, this was a very personal post. Glad to get it off my chest though. I don't ever want to be the stereotypical catty female. Here's to being gracious and supportive, dudes.